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After the rape I would also like him to do and loved ones – this is my most afraid to tell people

After the rape I would also like him to do and this is my most loved people afraid to tell secrets.   Ten o’clock every night, you say good night to accompany a teenager in blue click on the top concerns of inspiration Goodnight Goodnight no secret that teenagers tree holes from a fairy tale.   Young barber and found the king long donkey ears, beside the king’s soldiers ordered him absolutely not allowed to say out, or let him lose his head.Hairdressers in order to survive, these pieces of secret promise refuses to talk about, but so can the psychological extremely depressed, he finally unable to bear, find a tree hole, tree hole shouting against the king long donkey ears.   Teenager reminded of this story, my friends are and talk to his mind.Friends usually a burden, that appears to be the most heartless.But that day we drank wine, tipsy feeling emotions could not dumping, a friend said a lot of pressure himself, although earning a good salary, but behind him there is a large family to feed.Her mother was at work early slander stealing plants, stimulated too had schizophrenia.Originally fairly wealthy family, in order to cure his mother, bankrupt.   The friends have a good time in college girlfriend, two people ready to talk of marriage, the woman can be a family situation of his family, firmly opposed, and later broke up two people.He also has a sister college graduation, high school reading, not long out of work, the second year to get married, and now is not a happy marriage, the children had to make do.   A friend said: You see I fared die like a dog all day, in fact, I know better than anyone else block fast enough.I think God is unfair to.   I sometimes do not know how to comfort, but a friend of Ah Q was waved like: all right, I had to see opened, pressure in the heart is these things for too long, never find someone to say, say it now, I will do you good.   So came back, I expect you to do a tree hole.Take a completely anonymous way, where you can freely tell you the secret heart repressed for many years, I only hope that you can say you good points.   No matter how dark the night, please believe that tomorrow there will be bright.      Readers @ tree holes 1 13 University unspeakable secret from the teenager’s night, and there is a dormitory best girlfriends together to do it part-time, it is to help a company to do the survey.The main growth and fight drugs is to investigate the case of some crops.And my girlfriends came to the countryside, then we have been on the road without a car, etc..Later came a car coming, and we drove up, and later learned that the driver is not a good man, has been with us let us get off.My classmates and I had intended to go along with a hotel stay car, the driver took me back, and I own a classmate who went to the hotel there is a man followed her do not know.   The driver took me buckle in the car, while tears while saying he and his wife divorce story, and finally brought me to his house wanted to rape me, I desperately to break free.As he drank his little strength I escaped one.But it was already late at night, I am even more afraid to run back, because we are there to night, there will be some bum out, I had to wait until the next day come back to find my friends.Later we catch the first train back to school.I thought about it so later, I and my classmates and others who do not dare say.Until the time of my birthday, we cried together.It became our shadow, we are afraid and alone strange men live together.   When @ tree holes No. 2 Primary School, stole 50 bucks at the same table.At the same table came back to find the money gone, to find the money in the class.   After school, we avoid arousing suspicion, mutual consciously turned the bag, could not find my hands, I thought escaped unharmed.I did not expect the teacher called to the office, bluntly asked me: Are you took the money XX.I suck cold air, after recognition of prevarication.   Later, his father knew, he asked me: Is not it money, etc.?I remember my father’s reddish eyes, eyes wrapped in tears the next second would seem to drip. I did not speak, but bit his lip.To see his father’s back when lifting his head, he wore a thin white jacket did not know how many years already, leaning against the window.   7 years later, I still remember the day my father and what I said, but I will never forget that day because of my fault, my father shed tears. Later I apologized road to the same table, she forgave me, but I still consciously ashamed to primary school students, the secret I am ashamed.   @ Tree holes No. 3 SM you heard it?I am a M (abuse square), only abused to get sexual pleasure, but please do not look at me with curious eyes.I have my good boyfriend, and he also confess my habit, but is not able to understand her boyfriend.   I carried him to find S (sadistic side) on the Internet, I was playing when I was very excited and wet mess.Then I got some others, although no substantive relationship with them happened.But I still feel sorry for her boyfriend, I feel I’m a bad girl.I could not restrain their own desires, the secret makes me sad.   @ 4 holes in the trees I almost killed my own brother, my junior high school in rebellion.   Brother, new born, my mother gave all his attention and care for his brother, led to my dissatisfaction, that mother love my brother, I am particularly hate him, that he stole my love.   So there is a younger brother of respiratory tract infection, taking advantage of the time her mother went out to buy medicine, I sat in bed brother, especially calmly looked at him, until I possessed to reach out, to cover his nose and mouth, he wanted to suffocate.But my brother thought that I was playing with him, giggled and grabbed my hand.   I put my hand loosened, after which the face of his brother always think of that scene another deep guilt.My brother always thought I hated him, in fact I hate myself, I am guilty secret.   @ Tree holes No. 5 My stepfather tried to rape me.   Five years old when my father died.My mother took turns, it seems to me, my mother was really great.Later, her mother remarried, the man said that good is not good, nor bad bad to say, but also have a very cute little brother, persecuted because of living, we have moved to a new place.At that time I probably Grade forty-five.But then, I do not know why, the man while I was cooking, and hugged me from behind, take off my pants, his hand got to get in that place, I did not understand, did not dare to how, he said coal somehow went back to the house, I knew this was a bad thing, very calm and said I’m going out to play, just escaped.Later, I do not know.   As I can slowly sensible slowly sensible, suddenly all of a sudden my attitude has undergone great changes, no longer called him uncle, did not look at him, do not talk to him, my mother had me more than once education that money he gave me to read, should not be so, I want to understand.Mom may never know the real reason for my change in attitude.Ten years have passed, we are still a family.The secret, let me avoid family.   @ Tree holes No. 6 from primary to junior been experienced school violence, school teachers saw no tube, but I laugh together, I did not dare tell his family home, no sense of security, but do not know how to seek protection.   At that time the school suppressed, but also at home, keep a smile does little fear of being seen, the first two days three days two years I weariness, afraid to go to school bullying, but also the way to school afraid of being deflated bicycle.By the way, I had to repair desk before class, because they were torn down, they go on my clothes spit, spit chewing gum on his hair.   do you know?At that time I really wanted to die, word within.   20 years old, bear school violence for four years, he did not live the way they want to.I think the secret is to live up to.   @ 7 hollow slander my classmates had hepatitis B, resulting in him being alienated exclusion.   In elementary school, he and I to do with hepatitis B blood tests, test results and his mother to take my mother along, I heard that he had hepatitis B, I told my friends, let friends away from him, careful infected, they would a pass 10 10 Fax 100 spread in the class, the class of all children do not play with him, and when his mother came to ask me, I lied and said I did not give to others said, and cried, my mother distressed me, mom told him I was not going to lie, when I will always remember his eyes, he eventually dropped out to go to treatment, and I am always felt guilty, it has been my the heart of a large pimple.   The secret I repent.   @ Tree holes No. 8 when I was little cousin was raped, then do not understand, many years to understand, sense of security and self-confidence begins to disappear that day.   I do not know what is wrong, this is 20 years, and I can not be alone with the opposite sex, not love.I do not know what fear, I can not convince myself, I know it’s no big deal, no one will seriously it can always forget.Chinese New Year also saw a smile to greet, and God knows how my heart sick and desperate, he looked each of my eyes makes me afraid, like a switch, repeat, repeat, can not stop.No one can say I have never, and do not know who said.Say what use is it, I would not feel too fuss?I really timid, I will die alone in this life, really, I will, no one will love me or who I’m in love.   The secret I no longer trust anyone.   @ 9 holes in the trees my father pro, extreme ideology is a selfish impulses of man.Forty mediocrity, he felt God unfair to him, began to believe in fate.I was five years old, he became a fortune-teller, but this line a few years of effort is not making money.So there is no source of income, he let my mother go to sell their bodies do miss in order to feed their families!   Predictably, seven years old, her mother left home and never returned!Leaving me and my father, my father is good for me is good, bad, dad all day drinking, drunk hit me.Until three days I first came to menstruation, my father began to not the same!He began sanctimonious and I tell the difference between boys and girls, as well as other unspeakable topic.   A day later, my father took me to a small hotel, gave me opium, still in front of me masturbating!At that time, I have been crying, so my father finally did me how.On my wrist, still we have a lot of self-mutilation traces of traces of a lifetime.So after graduation, I left home in the 3000 km from the North, one did not go back.I thought I could start a normal life, but I found that I was not interested in boys!I became a gay.I do not want this, I want to have a home of their own, while girls can not give my family.         @ No. 10 tree holes from primary school, I was not recruit a teacher to be seen in a child.Former junior high school, always thought he was not like the teachers because I behaved, my study is not good enough, wait until junior high school teacher too is aware of snobbery.My family is a particularly ordinary family, parents are honest, they do not know how to please a teacher at the school in exchange for his daughter from abuse.Basic primary school life almost forgotten, the only thing I remember that was the teacher more than once fly in my face, I remember more than once in any of several language teachers in public somehow humiliate me, insult me.   Later, the junior high school, I thought I was in school life will be better, but I have encountered the same as elementary school teacher, middle school teacher cursed me with vicious language, insults my parents, English teacher looked at me with contemptuous eyes , occasionally cynical.So they gave me a shadow before sophomore accompanied me, although in high school I met a particularly good teacher and a good friend, but I feel the pain I’ve been a kid to affect me, I do not like dealing with people poor exchanges, sometimes low self-esteem, low self-esteem sometimes, I hate them particularly special, if they can say to me a little bit of tolerance, I would not now be indifferent inferiority hateful person.   @ Tree holes No. 11 High School that year the winter solstice, the winter solstice customs over there we eat meat, remember that every day, gray, under the rain, I borrowed a classmate after school electric car to go to uncle’s home, on the road because play it cool no raincoat just keeping an umbrella, speeding time to stop at an intersection in a careless riding a bicycle hit a grandmother, I am safe and sound, but the grandmother fell and lost two front teeth, no other What right, I did not know what to do to stay in it, my grandmother getting up from the ground, it will not see I am a student falsely me, so I took her to a nearby hospital for a simple check, I blurted put all the responsibility on her head (in fact, I ride too fast and did not go according to rules of the road), and finally the grandmother sighed and gone, there is a primary school students came to the grandmother’s bicycle help them and then left during the.   This is my first time to face humanity, to face their inner ugliness never forget.Grandma was wearing clothes sanitation workers, should be home from work, my grandmother was shabby clothes, innocent front teeth when picked up from the ground and helpless, blood on the ground, the bike helped pupils pure heart, and my selfish ugly (I At that time has been sitting in the car did not even say sorry) in sharp contrast, I will never forget.   @ No. 12 tree holes exchanges with families uncle.   Uncle is the brother of a friend, not being happy is preparing for divorce.Knowing that can not be together, I still could not help but want to be near.Know their role has become the most despised people, I never thought the destruction of his family, did not want to hurt his family.Uncle’s sister is my sister, her husband’s good friend, and I know the relationship of uncle just told me not to think that they destroyed the uncle’s home, to live their own good.Now still have contact, or uncle to accompany every day, but also increasingly rely more and more guilty, will be separated, at a suitable moment I can TOUGH.   @ No. 13 tree holes I was very, very bad boy, at the end of August I college entrance examination that year my child was born.Maybe I am more slag, maybe my child and her mother just had each other warm, maybe she is too beautiful enough.So we talked a university.   Treat this feeling, I paid all the effort, I will give her a meal in snow days drug delivery, will also take her dormitory in case of illness, give her over every holiday, will help her to write papers, will help her all cuisine.Because I think I have the baby did not tell her, for she is owed, so I tried to be nice to her just to let her know the truth when can continue with me.   The end result is that she knows the truth, although there is hesitation, but resolutely leave, she hurt me most was the phrase: You and I together is a purpose, just want to get back at me, put me to develop a useless, have learned nothing.Since then, I was afraid of other people emotionally, emotionally I was afraid of other people, because I think it is not responsible for others.Even after graduating from college, I met a girl quite well, but I would deliberately alienate her sane at the time, but did not want her to like me, although I’ve been in love with her.   Perhaps these are all I deserve, I can only silently to bear.   Part of the contents, there are teenage deletion which deleted most is three words: I’m sorry.In particular, many girls, is clearly the bad behavior of others applied in their life, yet they are repeatedly said to me: I’m sorry.   I’m sorry, these secrets in my heart hold back a good many years, I know very negative, but I really difficult subject.   I’m sorry, I though the fate of the tease, but want to give others trouble later, still feel very sorry.   I’m sorry I have hurt others, and now trying to compensate for others, but I know that hurt others formed in the psychological, not to make up for a lifetime.   I am sorry.But for those who want to juvenile’ve been hurt, still injured, you may experience harm future friends say.   You do not need to apologize to anyone, it is that they let you down.   Especially those who clearly unforgivable, but still for the family to maintain the kind of surface, so that teenagers really very angry.Wrong, not you, so please you a little confidence, and then a strong number, I hope you can stand up to stand in front of everyone, and not embarrass yourself in the dark.   Because you are not wrong, you want a little more courage when you feel oppressed, although to teenagers here, I would at any time.   This time, I’m sorry, can only give you some comfort, you have failed to protect.   After that, you would like to clear over cloudy sky, willing rainy season, it was also an umbrella for you.   Goodnight teenager heard this number can be read off the list you may also want to see the girls before the age of 30, how much deposit?      Your flowers and chant chant being worn down by your friend you can go to bed? Girls can ah cup popularity Table cooperation please contact email [email protected] Like a point, you would like a little more courage to the future.